Week 3 Crazy Camp- back to the grindstone!

So this week at Crazy Camp was actually a productive one for me...I am learning how to label my feelings more precisely than simply chalking them up to either 'anger' or 'sorrow'.

I had a perfect opportunity this week, as an incident came up upon my arrival from Calgary, Monday night.

I took it to my group and was clearly instructed by my support group and therapist how to deal with it. So I wrote my Dad an email, here is what I said:

Dad,

I just wanted to let you know a few things.

I came home from Calgary Monday night and while chatting with the kids about their weekend with you and Zoe it was brought to my attention that they only spent one night- Saturday with you. When I inquired as to why, I was informed that you had forgotten about the weekend and had made other plans for Friday night.

I wanted to let you know how that made me feel, as well as how your grandchildren expressed to me how they felt.

Sara was quite disappointed that she didn't get to spend the whole weekend with you as planned.
She was looking forward to more time with both you and Zoe.
She asked me " Why does Papa always forget us?" I didn't know how to respond. She answered herself by simply saying you must be old and forgetful.

Braedan didn't really say much other than "what else is new, Papa always forgets things". He said he would have liked to spend more time with you.

As for myself.

I felt angry because this was planned far in advance, and I had reminded you the day before and you at the time told me everything was a go. I trusted you.
I felt angry that you had disappointed the children.
I felt angry that I trusted you enough to follow through with our original plans, that I had taken a weekend that the kids should have spent with Mike and Lise and convinced them that the kids needed this time with you since it had been about a year since they had a sleep over with their grand father.
I am angry that I put myself on the line with Mike and Lise and it was in vain.
I am angry that by you forgetting, Frank had my kids more than I had agreed to as I fear his stability with them for long periods of time.

I am disappointed that you forgot my kids and that the message you sent by doing so was that we/they are not a priority to you.
I am sad that my children were disappointed.
I am sad that you and they did not spend as much time together as planned. It is good for all of you.

I am also very happy that the time they did spend with you was enjoyed by both.
I am happy that they got to spend some time with you as they miss you terribly.

Well there you have it....my feelings in a nutshell.

Annie
XO

I was so thrilled that I had finally not stuffed something, I had finally said how I felt, without accusations, just pure feelings.
I brought it back to the group and was applauded for having done it...I felt good about myself, proud.

Well, this morning comes and I get a response:

Too bad you feel that way.

I made arrangements with Frank, as I said I would. The kids had good time. Quit projecting feelings onto them. Get a grip.

WOW! Was that ever a slap in the face. I was so sure that doing it the 'right' was would have gotten me better results. Some understanding maybe? At the very least an acknowledgment of my feelings.

So, armed with anger I set out to reply...after writing the first thing that came out of my mouth, I pressed the backspace button and decided to walk away from it and leave it for a bit. Old habits die hard, but I won't stoop to that level...no more.

I will bring it to group and see how it should be handled.
I guess I know what they will say:

That's his issue to own now, not mine. I have to Let it go and either accept that is how my Dad is or walk away. I don't think I am ready to do either.

All and all I am proud of my email to him, regardless of it's outcome.

Annie

PS: The names above have been changed to protect the innocent :)