Bi-Weekly Visit with Sanity Cindy.

So, I went to see Cindy, my Sanity specialist; I go see her every 2 weeks, pending my forgetting that I have an appointment. I have been doing well at it too...which makes me quite happy with myself. I seriously recommend that every person have their own Sanity Cindy. She is a light at the end of a tunnel. Everyone needs that in their life.

So I discussed dilemma number 2 with her today, very insightful it was! I just have to figure out how I am going to approach my weekend now. I may simply have to "Suck it up Buttercup" as my son puts it. :)

I am sure there are ways I can avoid her as my main trigger, however Cindy helped me realize that she wasn't the only issue I was having going out to the house for dinner. I have been feeling quite at odds with biological father (as discussed in earlier blogs) and that may be having something to do with it.

Several weeks ago, a 'family problem' was brought to our (sibling) attention. It was a biggy as far as I was concerned, but the child in me who is used to being accused of everything got VERY defensive. I knew something had been up before that email came out. I guess when it did I knew I was who was suspected as the culprit. I was torn with how to react. On one hand I wanted to defend myself, as I have been trained to do in the past, hoping to avoid a beating- physical or emotional, and on the other hand I didn't want to appear guilty as a lot of people do if they defend themselves.

Anyway, long story short, I have been avoiding going out to the house since then for fear of already having been judged. The parental units say they don't want to know who the guilty party is, but in my world that just can't be possible.

So I guess I figure I am to blame, whether I really am or not, as it looks like it was me...so I don't want to be judged for something that I didn't do.

That combined with being afraid of Carol just sucks. I am getting chest pains just thinking of it.

On that note, gotta run...not hide though :)

Annie